Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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