either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I need moral support for this bender
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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