I look better un-naked...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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