Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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