I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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