Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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