So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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