Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
