No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
