he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
