You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
