so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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