question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
