She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
