i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize