I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
