He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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