Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize