I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
