I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize