About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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