all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
