Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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