we're making bets on your personal life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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