I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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