They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
