oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
