im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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