what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hippo gnu deer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
