Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's never too late to be topless.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
