so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
