I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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