I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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