I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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