direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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