I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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