Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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