he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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