That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
