You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
someone owes me an orgasm
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
