Got a toothbrush?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
