Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
