the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
