just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
