Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
