I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
