After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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