You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
