Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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