It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
