she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm at about main and main street
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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