Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
