Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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