Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
