the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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