It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
