And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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