dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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