I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
