peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
