Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
