Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
