not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
