this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
