he thought i was a dude.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
