That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
