I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
