whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
