When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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