I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
