Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
