i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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