Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
