dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize