I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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