I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
