anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
