Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ttyl tear gas
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you had me at cake vodka
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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