I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize