I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
