I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
