what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
