Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
