I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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