I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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