It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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