her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
