is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
