I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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