remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
