He kissed a someone with a penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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