Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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