I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
