it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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