so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
