its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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