you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize