did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
